F.A.Q South Africa

If you're planning to go to South Africa anytime soon and you've got a couple a questions you've been meaning to ask about that beautiful country, fret not my friend. The South African Tourism Board had posted a set of Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q) page on it's website to answer well, frequently asked questions by future visitors. Here they are:

Does it ever get rainy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water…

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a List of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
What did your last slave die of?

Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…. Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
No, WE don’t stink.

Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population Is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
Yes, gay nightclubs.

Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
Only at Christmas.

Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegetarian hunter- gatherers. Milk Is illegal.

Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

From shaunoakes.com

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha . . . good one.

    Wonder if our own Tourism Board ever gets any such wonderful questions. Oh, me forgets, they probably never ever check their website or email . . .